


But why'd we have to stay?

by Chieana



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Anger, Canon Compliant, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Established Relationship, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Light Angst, March 22 2013
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:41:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25007128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chieana/pseuds/Chieana
Summary: Gerard slowly sat back up, closing his eyes to the sun shining bright above him. The world moved on. And so would everyone move on from My Chemical Romance.
Relationships: Lindsey Ballato/Gerard Way
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	But why'd we have to stay?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. Here, it's dangerous to go alone, have some tissues. There's really nothing else I can say. I'll see you on the other side...

Gerard turned off his screen. It wouldn’t undo what he’d done, but it allowed him a brief respite of the consequences. He stared blankly at the blacked-out screen, pangs of fear, nerves, regret shooting through him. His vision turned blurry and with a shock he realised he was crying. An anguished sob escaped his throat. He quickly shot a hand up to cover his mouth, slumping in on himself as his body was suddenly overtaken by grief. His phone vibrated on the desk, startling him from his haze. 

And so it began. The questions. The confusion. The disappointment.

Gerard lurched from his chair and launched himself out of the room. He bolted to the garden, slamming the door on his way out. He forced himself not to run, but he wanted to, he felt the adrenaline coursing through his veins, he needed to get this energy out. He ended at the other end of the pond, dropping down heavily onto the grass underneath a willowy tree. He held his head between his legs, fingers linking on the back of his neck.

The world moved on around him, birds chirping, insects buzzing, frogs leaping.

Gerard slowly sat back up, closing his eyes to the sun shining bright above him. The world moved on. And so would everyone move on from My Chemical Romance. It was done. It should have ended after The Black Parade. He could never regret Danger Days, but it had been a last resort. A desperate attempt to find a way to combine everything he loved. It had been great, but had also broken him and in turn, broken everyone else.

Now, finally, it was over. The music would never disappear, but the band was gone, over, disbanded. 

Gerard forced himself to relax and leant back against the bark of the tree. He let himself enjoy the soft breeze blowing through the garden. The sun caressed his face gently, a warm touch, almost like it was reassuring him things were going to be okay. Gerard breathed deeply, feeling unsettled, floaty, almost like he was hovering outside his body. He’d had out of body experiences before, but this felt different somehow.

Gerard felt bewildered and looked at the world around him calmly. Like this, outside, no phone, no people around to talk to him, to ask him things, he felt like he was floating in another universe. A universe where maybe My Chemical Romance never existed. Man, now there was a thought. A universe in which 9/11 had never happened, not giving him the push to make something of his life. He might never have written The Umbrella Academy if it hadn’t been for his time on the road. Hell, he would have never met Lindsey. He wouldn’t have gotten married, wouldn’t have had a kid. 

Gerard sighed and got up from the ground. No matter how fun it was to escape into his fantasies, he still just shattered the amazing community they’d created over the years. This was his responsibility. He couldn’t leave everyone without his honest thoughts. Gerard slowly made his way back inside, dragging his feet. Just looking at the door to his office choked him up, so he made his way to the kitchen first.

Gerard aimlessly looked in the fridge, checked the cupboards, had a look in the pantry. He eventually settled on a bag of peanut M&Ms, craving the sugar rush. He hesitated before also making himself a cup of coffee, he was in the kitchen anyway. He knew he was procrastinating, but he wasn’t ready to step back into his office. He didn’t feel ready for the inevitable messages. He wasn’t ready for Frank, fuck. He hadn’t told him anything.

Gerard hadn’t known what to say to Frank, knowing how invested he was in the band. So he’d simply not said anything at all. He’d had a long chat about the future of the band with Ray just last night and he’d sent Mikey a message afterwards, informing him. But not Frank. He’d been awake, staring at his phone for hours until he passed out, unable to send the message in the end. Well, fuck.

Gerard violently snatched the bag of M&Ms from the counter and walked staunchly into his office, his mug of coffee slightly burning his fingers where he was gripping it too tight. He set the mug down on his desk before letting himself drop heavily into his desk chair. He stared at the black screen for a second. He huffed, opening the bag of M&Ms and angrily stuffing a handful into his mouth, chewing obnoxiously. He was taken out of this weird aggressive trance when his phone started buzzing on the desk.

Gerard swallowed thickly, looking at the screen. It was Worm. Gerard quickly rejected the call. He stayed seated in his office, rejecting calls and eating M&Ms. He wasn’t sure what he was waiting for, but he did know he wasn’t prepared to talk to anyone, or to see the chaos that was undoubtedly unfolding online right now.

In a wild panic Gerard turned on his screen, eyes shooting over the first few comments. Holy shit, they were so angry, so negative, so bitter.

Gerard sobbed and leaned forwards, hiding his head in his arms on the desk. He let the feelings wash over him, regret and fear constricting his throat making his sobs sound that much more pathetic. His phone started buzzing again, the rhythmic sound calming him to a degree. He sat up, not looking at the screen, but determined to finally start talking to people. He sniffled as he accepted the call, bringing his phone to his ear.

“What the actual fuck Gerard.” Of course, it had to be Frank. Gerard felt his throat clog up, not knowing what to say, not knowing if he even could speak. “What the fuck, dude.”

“I’m sor-”

“Oh spare me the excuses. I don’t want to fucking hear it. I don’t know why you decided I was no longer part of this band before you decided to end it, but fuck you, I thought we were friends, asshole.” Gerard shivered. Frank wasn’t screaming at him. He sounded hurt. Of course he was hurt. He sounded so calm though, so collected. Contained rage, almost a growl, but still steady. He wasn’t screaming and it threw Gerard off kilter.

“We **are** friends,” Gerard insisted, cringing when his voice broke. Frank scoffed on the other side of the line. On the other side of the country.

“Not anymore. Don’t even think I will forgive you this, fucker. The least you could have done was send me a message _yourself_. I had to find out through someone else. I just got off the phone with Ray, what the hell is wrong with you? **He** knew. I bet **Mikey** knew. I _know_ James knows and he’s not even officially in the band. I don’t care why you decided to forget all about me, but I wish you a great fucking time. Enjoy your fucking solitude. Don’t contact me again.”

“Frank!” Gerard yelled, but he was too late. Frank had already hung up. Gerard sat still, breathing heavily, arms flinching in frustration. When his phone buzzed again, his fucking manager calling him this time, he’d had enough and flung the device to the corner of the room with a shout. He got off his chair, throwing it against the wall before stomping out of the office, slamming the door.

Gerard put his hands in his hair, pulling hard at the strands as he clenched his eyes, pacing through the living room. He was growling under his breath, trying to get rid of the rage fuelled by his immense grief and remorse. He was panting, interspersed by anguished sobs whenever he thought about Frank. Oh god, Frank. He’d really fucked up, fuck, he couldn’t call him back, not now. 

“Daddy?” Gerard stopped and turned around. Bandit was standing a couple of paces from the doorway. She was shivering, holding her favourite plushie close to her chest. She looked absolutely terrified. Gerard crumbled. He relaxed his posture, hands hanging limply next to his body as he calmly walked over to Bandit. She started sniffling as he got closer, breaking his heart.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. Daddy’s having a bad day. When did you wake up?” Gerard knelt in front of Bandit with open arms. Bandit rushed to hug him. She mumbled something into his shoulder. Gerard chuckled.

“I can’t hear you like this, sweetheart.” Bandit groaned and pulled away. “I just woke up.” Gerard hummed and smiled at her, rubbing her sides to try and comfort her. She seemed better already.

“Wanna eat pancakes? I can make us some pancakes and then we can watch some cartoons together.” Bandit smiled and nodded. Gerard stood up, lifting her from the ground.

Gerard slowly felt himself calm down as he spent the rest of the day with Bandit. He was still stricken with grief and caught himself anguishing over Frank a couple of times, but Bandit was there to pull him back into the present. Lindsey had left them be, only kissing him on the head before going to the studio to rehearse.

That night, after singing a couple of songs to Bandit before bed, he laid in the dark next to Lindsey, feeling the emotions surface again. Lindsey turned to him and smiled with a soft sigh. She pulled him into her arms, gently stroking her fingers through his hair while he cried.

“It’s gonna be okay, dummy,” she whispered in his ear when his breathing slowed. He hummed, holding her close as he fell into a deep, dreamless slumber.

**Author's Note:**

> ...
> 
> It's okay. It's okay. My Chemical Romance is back. I promise it will all be okay.
> 
> Feel free to shout at me in the comments for hurting your feelings ♥ And then you can scream at me some more on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ChieanaStrider) ♥


End file.
